as if they were amish

Each day. On my way to Ralph's for provisions, I get this treat. Snarky wee gems of grooming on the Wilshire, in the Miracle Mile. Mostly, I pass the His and Hers Hair Goods and smile. That display girl has a serious and solid sense of funny. It's been three years now and I have to admit, I am still a bit worried that this complicated-hair-duo will enter my dreams and force upon me their cheery, floating wisdom, or some disembodied, ungodly, night terrors. 

But lately, I've wondered if maybe it's not a joke. The other heads on display are straight up head-work: corn rows, extensions, toupes, wigs and a thing I call "the fluff occasionalle." Stuff everyone but yaks and gorillas will someday deal with. In short, this place sells hair. Serious hair.

So, if this is real wig-work going on and a potential of the craftsmanship to be had inside, I can't help but wonder at the nod to the Amish Peter Pan: did I miss Mary Martin playing Ole Man Stoltzfus in the broadway revival of the movie, Witness?  I'd like to know. Because from what little I do know, the Amish beard is a sign of maturity and wisdom, a thing a man starts to grow once he is married-- and not after taking female-hormone injections. What then? Is this The New Amish Man for the mod century-- a sexy, sartorial beast? If this be the case, I have one question for you. Would you accept a ride in this man's buggy? 

Um. 

Is this before and after what?

A lobotomy? 

For the first year or so, in passing, I thought maybe these tags were part of some upcoming author series -- at the hair and wig store -- and that perhaps someone took down the part of the sign that read :"BEFORE the intermission Tobias Wolff  (pictured at left) will read from his new and collected stories and AFTER the open bar is repaired, Phillip Roth (pictured at right) will read from his new novella." Trust me on the likeness, here. Okay. so, maybe I'm wrong. Someone just tapped my shoulder. This is not Toby and Phil, but in fact, life-like injection-molded casts of Dr. Phil and Phil Spector... so there you go. Stupid, flippant, me.